win, lose or – dash.

Drawings, Writing

preface: i do not have a good poker face. at all.


my friend and mentor Chris tweeted this today…


Mallory and Chris have both written fantastic posts in the past few days about finding your ‘why.’ (check ’em here and here.) normally, any mention of a #suedle makes me squirm with anticipation and grab the closest felt tip pen.

today, not so much. Chris’s tweet literally made me recoil. then it made me reflect on the ‘why.’


june and july are busy months in medical education. this year, we welcomed a new class of MS1s and congratulated our MS2s and MS3s on successful transition. it’s an exciting time and one of the only things that can keep me indoors during beautiful summer months.

confession: i am struggling to celebrate these beginnings properly this year. beginnings and endings often go hand-in-hand. in all of this happiness is an underlying reminder of two recent endings. one is the loss of a student in his year long battle with cancer. the other was the sudden loss of my uncle in july. its hard to find words to express how i feel about these events. it’s been more difficult to express them with my preferred medium too.

i have been at a loss for a suedle.

when dealing with wins and losses, new beginnings and endings, i often find that it’s the ‘why’ that hits us the hardest. it’s enlightening to articulate the ‘why’ when you can. when you can’t, it can be frustrating, sad and impossible. it’s really difficult to embrace that unknown ‘why’ and just roll with the punches, especially when it effects the people you love.


one of my cousins shared a really beautiful poem during the services for my uncle. not only did i find comfort in this piece, but it also made me think (a ton). it made me reflect on my own journey so far, and all of the things that i would want to share in my dash…and all of the ‘whys’ to go with them.



5 thoughts on “win, lose or – dash.

  1. I can’t read that poem, it doesn’t get big enough for me… but I can relate on ideas of loss and beginnings and endings happening at the same time. It can be hard to reconcile happy moments with the finality and sadness of a person’s life ending… hard and confusing. I wish you strength and comfort. ❤

  2. Oh, Sue, we are all struggling with the WHY of those heartbreaking days of loss. Does anyone EVER know the WHY when bad things happen? We can all give praise and almost sometimes expect it when the WHYS of good happen. No one really ever questions that. Everyone has to find their own way to deal with the BAD WHYS. For me, and I still struggle with many many BAD WHYS , I try, especially when I’m in an awful funk, to think about those times and try to find something..anything.. that evolved out of it that was a GOOD WHY. Maybe it was just being at the right place in that exact moment that a horrible thing happened. People that were there when it happened, got you through. You would never have met them or been a part of their WHY moment. In more devastating WHYS such as loss, you have to feel blessed that YOU were involved with those now gone and your life is forever enhanced by that relationship. It’s that struggle that hurts so much. They made your life better and you miss that. It’s our job to turn our BAD WHYS into GOOD ONES by sharing just one memory of those that enhanced our lives so much. I love you!

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