preface: i do not have a good poker face. at all.
my friend and mentor Chris tweeted this today…
Mallory and Chris have both written fantastic posts in the past few days about finding your ‘why.’ (check ’em here and here.) normally, any mention of a #suedle makes me squirm with anticipation and grab the closest felt tip pen.
today, not so much. Chris’s tweet literally made me recoil. then it made me reflect on the ‘why.’
june and july are busy months in medical education. this year, we welcomed a new class of MS1s and congratulated our MS2s and MS3s on successful transition. it’s an exciting time and one of the only things that can keep me indoors during beautiful summer months.
confession: i am struggling to celebrate these beginnings properly this year. beginnings and endings often go hand-in-hand. in all of this happiness is an underlying reminder of two recent endings. one is the loss of a student in his year long battle with cancer. the other was the sudden loss of my uncle in july. its hard to find words to express how i feel about these events. it’s been more difficult to express them with my preferred medium too.
i have been at a loss for a suedle.
when dealing with wins and losses, new beginnings and endings, i often find that it’s the ‘why’ that hits us the hardest. it’s enlightening to articulate the ‘why’ when you can. when you can’t, it can be frustrating, sad and impossible. it’s really difficult to embrace that unknown ‘why’ and just roll with the punches, especially when it effects the people you love.
one of my cousins shared a really beautiful poem during the services for my uncle. not only did i find comfort in this piece, but it also made me think (a ton). it made me reflect on my own journey so far, and all of the things that i would want to share in my dash…and all of the ‘whys’ to go with them.